I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
