So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
