peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
