i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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