Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
