Got a toothbrush?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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