Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did i walk over a car last night?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
