I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
should my penis look like a turkey
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
