my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
