Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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