we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
