i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
