I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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