do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
