i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
