You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
