He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
