I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
