omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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