Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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