tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
