he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
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Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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