we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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