If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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