dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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