I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Someone came in the potted fern
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
