I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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