Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
