my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if only i could text you this smell
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
