all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
