why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
