I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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