had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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