Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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