He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
did you just send me my own nude
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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