somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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