we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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