she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
