What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
