I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
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So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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