in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
