I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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