Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
