I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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