it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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