Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
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But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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