I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize