my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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