all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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