I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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