it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
