Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
