He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
