I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
