I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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