So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize