the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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