Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
