hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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