I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
