you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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