She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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