Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
