Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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