i barfeds in our rink
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
