I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
