Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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