Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
