areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
