why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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