just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
