I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
