So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
