if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
