Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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