Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
