I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
