I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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