my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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