I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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