I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
COCAINE IS GR8
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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